Dear Me,

I’d like to imagine that you would be reading this while standing on that bridge. That moment of our lives when we stood there and thought about giving it all up. You almost walked away from it all – friends and family that love you and a million happy moments you just couldn’t see through the darkness surrounding you. I know you feel like you’re drowning under it all – the pressure, the expectations, the deep loneliness you thought would have gone away by now. The desert doesn’t last forever. And even when you can’t see the light, it’s still there. There is hope for our life, you’ve just lost sight of it for a moment. You’re going to walk away from that bridge and go home. You’ll go home to a family that loves you – in their own broken way- and know for the first time just how much they needed you.

I won’t say it gets easier – that would be a lie. But it does become bearable. And if you open your heart up, just a little, there are people in your life who want to love and support you. It’s ok to be weak, you don’t always have to be the strong one. Trust some people, let them see who you really are and then accept that they forgive you. Invest your time in people. You won’t remember the hundreds of hours you spent gaming or studying, but you will remember those late night talks and spontaneous outings to the beach – long conversations over cold coffee.

That being said, it’s ok to say no. Learn your boundaries and stick to them. They make you who you are. You don’t always have to give and give and give until you feel empty like you can’t do it anymore. Speak up for yourself and don’t be afraid. You are valuable. And don’t let people tell you that you aren’t. You are beautiful in your own way. And you’ll learn over the years that your outer beauty doesn’t matter all that much. You’ll spend less and less time in heels and you’ll start going out without makeup again. You’ll realize that you want a man to love you for who you are and not just what you look like. Your relationships might not work out over the years, but it’s ok. You are not defined by your relationships with men. But you are defined by your relationship with God. Cling onto Him because He is trustworthy. You’re going to fall down, but God is going to redeem you, draw you close and transform you. Just keep walking, you’ll be alright.

Enjoy the time that you have, it goes by quickly. Before you know it you’ll graduate and be off to college and even that time will pass by in a flash. Take action, don’t let fear stop you from doing the things you  love. Remember who you are and walk in the light. Love the truth and live by it.

Sincerely,

With much love,

Future you.